Ashes to Ashes

 “Remember, O man, that you are dust, and unto dust you shall return.” 

Today is Ash Wednesday.  A yearly sacramental to kickoff Lent, the season of repentance, piety and self-sacrifice. My husband and I have been trying to encourage our children to give up something that they care about.  The younger ones who don't understand this church season we help by including them on our "doing" acts.  Not everyone remembers that Lent can also be spent sacrificing by doing something selfless.  We may collect food for our food pantry or put together our "in need bags"...I'll explain..."in need bags" are gallon Ziplocs filled with dollar store items that would help someone in desperate need or homeless.  You can include tissues, granola bars, gloves, hand sanitizer, gum, toothbrushes, socks...the list is endless.  I cannot take credit for this idea, I found it on the internet last Lent and right after, my husband kept coming across a homeless women sleeping outside in a corridor.  We put together and gave her one of the "in need bags".  So, besides not eating meat on Fridays (abstinence), skipping meals (fasting) and giving up something we love (more abstinence) we will be sacrificial of ourselves and do.  This looks like a great plan if I can make it through today.
Last night was the last hurrah, some know it as Mardi Gras, Fat Tuesday or Shrove Tuesday.  A time to get your good food in because today was it; Lent is here.  It's marked...no we are marked so that we remember.  But last night, I was losing my patience with the typical kid practices of ignoring mom.  My husband and I had been trying to encourage them to pick something to give up.  I had had it...I was frustrated after being ignored when I told them to shut off the game...I yelled, "That's it, you're all giving up video games for Lent!"  My husband retorted quickly, "You can't do that.  They have to choose it for themselves."  I had forgotten the point...I really do want them to give screens up for Lent because it will be hard to wait until Sundays to indulge and I know it will be good for them, but my husband was right, they do have to choose because that is what conviction is...choosing to do what is right even when it's hard...not because Mom said so....my first Lenten mistake.  I had to retract before they went to bed and wanted them to decide the next day.  
Because my kids attend a Catholic school, the school takes care of getting them to Church to receive ashes and I made the decision to join the school and receive ashes with my kids.  It was an afternoon service so I had some time to get the younger ones fed and napped beforehand.  I made my second Lenten mistake as I scarfed down a beautiful salad topped with some turkey....after I digested I realized I wasn't supposed to eat meat.  Then I became busy with a few household chores before I started to get the kids ready to leave.  I realized that my littlest had fallen asleep while playing and had skipped the opportunity for lunch.  There wasn't enough time to feed her something big and because I had to wake her and she was moody, she refused to eat the cottage cheese I dished out. I stuffed my purse with Cheerios, raisins and juice packs to make up for the lack of lunch.  My three year old was making a last minute decision to wear a Tigger winter hat that was upstairs.  It was unseasonable warm today so I was extra frustrated in the doorway pleading that he hurry up.  I ripped the hat off of his head before I dragged him out onto the porch....probably my third Lenten mistake.
The usual antics of going to Church with little ones were present even for this service.  Loud talking in the echoing nave, dropping cereal, squabbling in the pew the list goes on and on...but the Cheerios and raisins helped with their attention.  My three year old pointed to a stained glass window right in front of us that depicted the Annunciation, when the Archangel Gabriel told Mary she would conceive Jesus...he says, "Yook Mommy, I'm watching a movie.  You watch the movie too?"  Nothing wrong with looking at stained glass, and before we knew it we were in line for ashes.  I didn't prepare the three year old for what was about to happen and he may have been too busy with his Cheerios and his "movie" to notice what had been going on in front of us, but we went up much like we usually go up for Communion and he received his ashes.  Right after I received mine, he let out a huge wail and looked up at me with tears in his eyes.  He cried, "I don't yike it!" and he pointed at his ashes.  He just kept crying so loudly and saying it over and over "I don't yike it! I dont' yike it!"  He laid his head on my shoulder and kept crying over and over "I don't yike it!"  I tried to get him to stop, but it was not working.  I pleaded, I reasoned and I absorbed it.  It was loud, so loud but he really was crying the very things that our souls cry out..."I don't like it...because I don't want to, because it will be too hard, because people will notice my ashes, because I have to do things I don't like to do."  I calmly told him...."Nobody likes it, but we do it anyway."  Inside I knew that he was crying for me and everyone else in the room even if he didn't know it.  
We don't like to give up things that we like, but we do it because it changes us and helps us respond to people that have less.  We fast because it reminds us that we have such abundance and we need to give.  We get ashes because we need to feel them sprinkling our noses and marking our heads; we only get this life to work hard to do what is kind, selfless and good; to do these we have to die to self.  For a fraction of time we  have  a mark on our heads to remind us to start something now....even if we "don't yike it."