I Found the Good in Him

I try to involve my kids in as many local sports clubs as is possible because I believe supporting and getting to know the community you live in is important.  After all, if you want diversity you should be a part of a larger circle of people outside of your immediate circle.  I want my kids to get to know their neighbors and understand that even if we are different we can all come together to play a sport.  I've met many parents and kids that I may not "hit a home-run" on friendship, but when there is a common goal, things fall into place because we start cheering as one for all of the kids.  However, there have been difficult incidents that make it hard to see eye-to-eye with another parent, because their son or daughter is causing the problem.  We had one such incident happen during Little League this past year.

It actually started with indoor soccer.  My oldest son plays soccer for our local club but also joins them for the winter sessions of indoor soccer.  Last year a boy joined the indoor soccer team and some issues started surfacing.  They weren't terrible until this one practice when he started getting violent.  He lashed out at the coaches and the kids and unfortunately his actions caused him to be pulled from the team.  Some parents seemed to know who he was and said he occasionally has these issues.  It's never okay to be violent so it's understandable if he couldn't continue on the club.  

When we arrived at the Spring season for baseball I recognized the boy on my oldest son's baseball team and I was immediately worried.  This boy seemed really passive and a little distracted even on the field; he always would swing when he was up to bat, but nothing was sticking out as unusual behavior, nothing violent more apathetic about baseball. We arrived at our first couple of games and there were no signs of any kind of outburst, and then it happened.  This boy hit another boy on the head with a batting helmet.  Both boys were benched for that game and the outburst boy was benched for the next game.  

I began to worry.  I knew the mom was involved and was dealing with her son, but I worried that my son would be caught in some kind of outburst.  There are bats near the dugout, after all, it is baseball.  I just didn't want my son injured in any way so I prepared him the best way I knew how...I warned him about "that boy".  

I said things like, "don't sit near ---- when you're in the dugout."  

"Why," my son would reply. 

 "...because I don't want you to get hurt.  I don't want him to get angry and pick up a bat and hit you.  So if he ever gets that angry you get out of there."  

"Okay, but I don't think that's going to happen."

"Still you just keep your eyes peeled."

Another game passed and I reminded my son to be watching and aware. Then another game came and the parents were talking about the "incident" and  I repeated my warnings to my son.  Gradually, he started to seem confused when I would say these things and he would say "Why, do you seem so worried about ----?"

"Because he hit that kid with the helmet."

My son said, "I'll ask him about that."

"Do you talk to him?"

"Yeah, I really like him.  He's nice."

After the first couple of games, the Coach's wife became the "dugout mom"  and sat in with the boys during the games.  After one such game, she was talking about the "mouths" on some of these kids, and how she tried to curb it in the dugout. 

I piped up, "...not my son, I hope."

"Oh no, your son is an angel.  He's my buddy.  He sits right next to me and talks to me.  I never hear anything bad come out of his mouth."

"Well, that's a relief." I laughed, but with pride.

"As a matter of fact he's the sweetest kid and he's always sticking up for ----."  
She continued with, "These boys never seem to leave ---- alone.  They are always provoking him."

I was shocked and my son had just come around the corner and caught that last statement when the Coach's wife finished. 

My son added, "I like ---- he's really nice and we get along.  He tells me that he doesn't understand why he can get so angry all the time.  I tell him, that he shouldn't pay attention to what other people do or say to him."

The Coach's wife confirmed that my son has a calming effect because he talks to ---- and tells him not to get angry.

My son jumped in and said, "Yeah, I found the good in him."

I was immediately embarrassed. My son looked past what everyone else was seeing; here I was warning my son about this boy not knowing that the boy was being provoked in the dugout.  The other boys would make fun of him or spit water on him or throw water from their water bottles just to see him "rage".  It wasn't fair.  

That boy may still have an anger problem that needs management, but it's definitely not fair to provoke such a person. Maybe a good friend was just what he needed, maybe I need to see more good in people to actively seek out the good in those that are difficult or different.  Maybe first impressions are shallow ways to excuse us from trying to see more in people...we put up fences to keep our own beliefs in place so we don't have to see more.  It took a ten-year-old to teach me to see the good.